OK, the title is a little bit melodramatic, but you get the picture.
I did some sniffing around this afternoon after going through everything in my head. The only two places the oil can be leaking from is the timing cover or the oil pan. It could be worse….if the front main seal was leaking that would be much worse.
I remember the oil pan gasket being a pretty average design in the corners, so this is the obvious place to expect a leak. I crawled under the car. It was difficult to see because of the crossmember, but I was able to see that the oil pan was wet and shiny in the groove (shown in green) in the picture below, and there was a drip sitting at the bottom of the radius (shown by the bigger blob). The wetness goes all the way up to the corner.
I think this is a good place to start. Next time I will use plenty of RTV Silicone to seal it up.